Have you been lacking inspiration lately? I know I’ve been struggling. I have a list of video and blog post ideas that I try constantly adding to, but I just haven’t had any new ideas in a while. And not for lack of trying!
When I go through these phases I get tough on myself. I think back to college and how I was constantly producing work every day and question why I can’t do that now. Then I have to remind myself that creating was my only responsibility as a student. And to be totally fair, even then sometimes the work was not up to my standards. Although writing and my videos are something I do for fun, I take it seriously and only want to put out work I’m proud of. And some weeks I just don’t have that idea that I’m excited about.
Instead of tearing myself down, over the weekend I asked myself, “what else has been going on in my life? Could that be why I’ve been lacking inspiration?” Yes, I believe it is. But I think it’s for great reasons. My attention has been held elsewhere, offline.
When I first started this blog, I felt disconnected. Teaching yoga was feeling stale. I felt like I would go in every day and say the same things over and over and over. While I still loved it, I felt stuck. I found my attention drifting to other topics and decided to dive into them instead. I’m glad I followed my curiosity at that time. As my teacher Noah wrote to us in prep for our last module of training, “…follow and pursue your interests at this point because that is likely to lead to the most learning and the least amount of effort.” But now, a year later, my interests have changed yet again.
Yoga and teaching are my top priorities and passions. I might have felt stuck over a year ago, but I just needed someone to help guide me deeper into the subject. I literally dream about yoga on a weekly basis. It runs through my veins. Thoughts constantly swirl in my head about sequencing. I try sneaking bone and muscle names into as many conversations as I can. I’m experimenting in both my practice and my teaching. It’s fun. It’s exhilarating!
Aside from that, I’ve also been focusing my attention on my relationship with myself and my relationships with others. I started going to therapy and have discovered a few things about myself that have opened my eyes. Suddenly everything has started to make sense. I’m connecting more with my amazing students. I’m reconnecting with friends from my past. Last year I had allowed myself to not only feel stuck in my teaching, but also feel stuck in the relationships I was in. Because of my social anxiety, I didn’t want to put myself in the vulnerable position of letting new people into my life. But as fate would have it, I’ve been going through a time of out-with-the-old and in-with-the-new. It’s been scary, but all of these new connections feel real and pure.
So maybe I have been lacking inspiration, but at least it’s been because I am growing. I’m connecting. I’m living more of my life offline. The thoughts and ideas that have been overtaking my brain are ones that I need to find answers to on my own. I’ll talk about and share them with you when I’m ready. But right now I need to live them. I need to experience them. I need to keep them to myself.
This isn’t an announcement that I’m stopping this blog or my videos. Far from it! But this is an announcement to myself that it’s okay to not follow a strict schedule. That it’s okay to try different content, or not be madly in love with every single thing I put out. That it’s okay to hold things back.
Much love to each and every one of you, no matter where you are in this crazy journey called life.